Couples Counselling
Rediscover and reinvigorate, fix what is broken, and create a compelling future together.....
Why have couples counselling....
On the face of it relationships should be easy after all we've been forming and maintaining them since the moment we were born, therefore, we should be experts on how to do them shouldn't we. One problem, the likelihood is that other than our parents, or influential others, no one has ever taught us how to do them.
For example, a couples relationship is made up of three 'selves'; myself, yourself, and ourselves. Ourselves being our relationship - ourselves is where myself and yourself meet, and we are both different people with different needs and formative experiences. Sometimes these 'selves' get out of balance or are hurt by the other. This is where and when the outside perspective of a trained couples therapist can help by offering reflection and new ways of thinking.
The different and qualified perspective of a relationship counsellor can offer support for all kinds of relationship challenges and conflicts to name a few; infidelity, loss of trust, lack of intimacy, parenting differences, and loss of purpose.
Conversely, couples counselling doesn't always have to be about crisis and rupture it can just as well be about enhancement, invigoration, and prevention. In fact it is very modern for couples to engage in relationship counselling without any present major challenges, they may just be wanting to simply to build on or expand what they already have, deepening their friendship.
The experience of couples counselling has the potential to be normative, formative, and restorative. Normative in the way that a problem shared is a problem halved, with an understanding that it is normal for everyone to have relationship challenges at some point. Formative in the way that counselling offers new ways of thinking and new tools to enhance your relationship so that you may form an even more compelling future together. Restorative in the way that couples counselling can offer solution and resolution support and new strategies to restore and reset your relationship if it is in crisis.
Couples counselling is an investment in yourselves.
Deepen your friendship....
Every relationship is different and no two peoples vision of a perfect relationship is the same. However, if there is one thing that seems to be common in most successful relationships it is deep friendship.
What does it mean to have a deep friendship, it is an unconditional positive regard for each other, one that is expressed with fondness, and not just through grand gestures but through small day in and day out moments of empathy, compassion, love, and connection.
Couples relationship counselling can help you to develop a deeper friendship than may previously have seemed possible, building on the foundations already in place, by designing a compelling future together and creating a sense of shared meaning.
We will look at how well do you know each other, your likes, dislikes, foibles, hopes, and dreams. How attuned to each other are you, is there mutual respect, and an enjoyment of each other's company. Are you in touch with your daily lives.
In moments of rupture, crisis, or argument, do you turn towards, turn away, or turn against your partner. How do you respond to each others repair attempts, your reach outs for love.
Deep friendship is an empowering and effective way to enhance and/or save your relationship. As with all relationships it does take work, a willingness to understand each other, accepting yourself and your partner as you are, and resisting any urge to try and change them.
How is your sex life....
When a couples relationship is in difficulty their sex life maybe suffering; when a couples sex life is in difficulty their relationship maybe suffering. If either of these statements is true for you and/or your relationship, couples counselling may help you.
It is likely that at some point, sex has or will disappear from your relationship, and if it does it is important to think of this not as a problem but as something that happens to most if not all couples periodically. Very little in life is linear there are often peaks and troughs, and sex is no different, and it takes teamwork to reach a peak.
For many, our personal meaning of sex can have a huge impact on how we experience, why we want or need sex, and it is something we often don't talk about. Exploring and understanding your own and your partners personal meaning of sex may help you to connect, create more satisfaction, and be playful but then again it may not, for some the mystery of sexual fantasy maybe where the excitement lay. Everyone's experience of sex is different and it is normal to feel anxious about it.
Discussing our sex lives can at times feel very sensitive, awkward, or embarrassing, and keeping our feelings hidden from our partners can feel debilitating. With me, you will find a safe, non-judgemental, and confidential space to bring your struggles, needs, and insecurities. An empathetic and compassionate space to discuss and explore intimacy and the erotic. A safe place to discuss and evaluate sex and love, their meaning and importance to both of you, and what you would like to change.
To find the treasure you need a map, and to move in the right direction you need to know where you are starting from....
